Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
