Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why do cheetos always look like penises
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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