omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
