You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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