I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Everyone says I win the strip club
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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