i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
