How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
