So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
