True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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