I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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