I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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