Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
