how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
