i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
