I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
