I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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