True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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