Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
