I need help removing her.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
