Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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