I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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