I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
