That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
