she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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