WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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