I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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