Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
