We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
