Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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