if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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