I don't think brook has ever known best
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This baby is an asshole
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
