its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
