While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize