my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
