I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
