mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
