like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
