Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
