I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
