My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
