You work out of a Hotel?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
