So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
