if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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