I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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