therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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