naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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