she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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