i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
