the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
