I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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