it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm like, not good at living.
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