i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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