Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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