just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your penis caused this!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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