i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
