I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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