omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize