so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
