She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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