So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
