and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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