when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
