You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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