I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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