i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
