Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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