Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
