Nicole vs. Life
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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