So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
