ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
