I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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