I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
