And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize