How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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