Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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