remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
