Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
