I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
